She’s nothing like she was before, I wonder what happened to that rough exterior she once so proudly showed. It was rare when I saw her shed a tear, it was rare when she opened up. What can I tell her for her to see that it’s okay if she doesn’t have it all together, that she is more than enough just as she is. Can’t you see, I’ve known you for years I can tell what runs through your mind, all those late night thoughts causing unfounded fears. Who is this woman she’s becoming, evolving right in front of me. One day she stood up, looked at herself and said this is not who I am. Since when was she afraid to step out into the unknown since when did she rely so much on others for happiness after all these years she was strong enough to stand alone. God lifted her up as strange as it may sound to those that do not know, for those who have yet to experience the strength the almighty holds. She took it to prayer, everything that she could no longer bare, the painful memories of her past, the people who took advantage of her, the ones who left her in confusion she finally forgave. She no longer worried of what others might say, she’d rather show light to than to throw shade like them, she didn’t turn her back regardless of what they said or did, yes it hurt from time to time but she didn’t give the negativity power, she didn’t let them win. Her beauty and strength was found from within, she decided to let God work on her, help her change and help her grow. She realized this was much bigger than the problems she’d ever come face to face with, it was all for a purpose. Her spirit, her eyes, mind, heart and soul finally realized she wanted God’s will for her life not that of her own, she’s been there done that so much she has outgrown. Who is this woman she is becoming right in front of me? She is me.
Feel free to check them out, there is limited quantity. I had the choice to pick one I thought others might like and it made it to her top 4. My personal favorite is the Chic Backpack in black, also available in blush. Spring is here so I can definitely see the Pom Pom Mini Backpack in style as well. I hope you all like them as much as we do! ❤
Yes I was the one who couldn’t stand being told about God’s way. Not that I didn’t believe in him, yes I’ve had doubts but I think I was meant to in order for God to fully show himself through, whether I see it right now or not, his will not mine but yes I didn’t want to hear a word. At first all I could ever think of was who are they to tell me anything, after all only God can judge me. I know now though, that there is a difference between condemning someone and then coming from a place of love. I do believe God put a message in me to put out there but sometimes I don’t know how to go about it without making other people feel the way I once did when someone approached me with his word. I wonder if I had to go through it as well in order to be in a position from having that experience and letting other knows I know exactly where they are coming from. One way or another l do believe that God’s will for my life will be done, he leaves nothing unfinished. Although I find myself doubting at times my ability and what I am capable of, I know God will help me through it as he always has, even when it seems as if he’s silent.
God you came through when I was not search in of you. I was lost in the dark but I found light the day you saved me. I give you praises for you were there when no one else was. I thank you for your mercy, you found me worthy of your forgiveness and love.
Embarrassing to admit but I used to spend my time imagining what the man God brings into my life will be like. I’d think of all the things we would possibly do, I’d picture myself waking up to making breakfast while I sip on my coffee. The gatherings we’d hold in our home. Yes I still want it all, but somewhere throughout these last couple of years it just vanished from my thoughts. No I didn’t let my hearts desire go but in the midst of the times I thought I met the one, only to see the reality of it sooner or later, I simply gave up. I gave up on looking, I gave up the search, I’m learning to put my trust in the Lord. At the correct timing, we will meet, no forcing the meeting, having to arrange when and where, no not this time. I’m sure God knows exactly what it is I need and when. Right now he needs me here, spending time with him and healing. I am being restored of what I’ve lost in myself, not the old self destructive habits but the good in me that slowly and silently hid away.
Finally! After about a week and a half or so I feel like myself again and I owe it all to God. On March 2nd I was at home babysitting while my mom and sister went to the store. I felt completely fine just taking care of my niece and nephew when suddenly this pain hard to describe just hit me on my upper back then it quickly traveled to my chest and the back of my head. At first I tried to brush it off but then I just felt as if I couldn’t breathe. I tried to catch my breath but I couldn’t, from there I just lost it my heart was racing fast and I just started to cry. I quickly called my sister to let her know, she was helping me to calm down but it just wouldn’t go away, I felt like I couldn’t walk and I just wanted to hit the ground, that’s when I decided to call for an ambulance. Thankfully my neighbor was home and she was kind enough to help me keep an eye on my niece and nephew while the paramedics checked me out. Soon after my mom and sister got home, they recommended me to go to the hospital just to be on the safe side, once they assured everything was fine they told me it was an anxiety attack. I’ve had one before but never like this and I pray for anyone who experiences them constantly is healed. The next day I had a concert to go to, I felt pretty good but through the night I had little triggers that made me think I wasn’t feeling good so I kept repeating to myself “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, lean not on your own understanding but in all ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight.” That bible verse helped me to get through the first two or three days after the anxiety.
The whole week and a half after that until today I just didn’t feel like myself. Usually I’ll be up making jokes, laughing, dancing around the house, playing with my niece and nephew but for some reason I just couldn’t do much, it was almost as if I was paranoid. I didn’t want to be left alone for long, I couldn’t be home comfortably even through the night. Every night I would wake up constantly struggling to go back to sleep, I kept having to reassure myself that I am fine and I prayed throughout each of those moments. I lost count as to how many times I’ve cried since then but I am truly thankful God brought me out. It’s hard to explain to others what it feels like and even when you are explaining it almost feels like you can’t even find the words. This whole week I’ve been cutting down on distractions doing my best to just stick to reading my bible, praying, eating healthy, watching the thoughts that come to mind even the words that I speak. Out of the mouth comes curses and blessings, speaking blessings is much better as words really do have an effect on ourselves and others. Before today I felt alive but not really living, yes I was pressing into the word of God but my mind wasn’t right, I felt like everything was blurred. Praise God! Last night I had a beautiful sweet sleep and I woke up with everything looking and feeling much clearer than before, almost as if I have a new sight, new perspective.
Spiritual warfare is something that we need to be ready for, I truly do believe having on the full armor of God helps along the way. I know some struggle to see how this could even help but sometimes we need to walk by faith no by sight to experience God’s blessing. My cousin was the first one that introduced me to God, I started going to her church but soon after I stopped going and went back to my old self destructive habits. The second time I experienced God was when I was completely alone and had no one, almost as if he personally came to me that day reached for my hand and helped me to get up. Now because I know in my heart he is real, I feel as if it’s up to me now to work on my relationship with God and I don’t want to know what will happen if I choose not to. I’ve lived life without him in it and it was the hardest years of my life, now that I am working on getting closer to him I truly do see his words are always true, his yoke is easy and his burden is light. To this day yes I still struggle, yes I have hard times but I know God will help me get through it regardless of what it looks like to me, all things are possible with him.
I’ve lost count how many times people have asked me if I’m okay, simply because I’m quietly sitting down enjoying the view. They say I look so serious, I tell them I’m fine but somehow I feel as if they don’t always believe me, not that I care. I wonder though, do I always have to be loud, smiling all the time just to prove I’m happy. Happiness shows through me in many ways, staring into the sky, drinking a cup of coffee, reading a book, cooking, etc. Happiness shows through all of us in different ways and I personally believe it to be beautiful.
A while ago I mentioned that I would share some of the products that I use, not a big selection but they are some of my favorites. I’ll admit I’m very picky to what I put on my face, I have pores which means I have oily skin and some days, sometimes even for a few days straight I tend to have very dry skin.
Let me start off with the L’OREAL Toner, at first I wasn’t a big fan of it. It almost feels like my skin has to go through a few tries in order for it to respond well to the product I apply. At first it burned, a few seconds in it began to itch just a little bit and usually I would just tap those areas. It took me a while to want to try it again but when I did, it wasn’t as bad as the first time. I love the way it leaves my skin feeling and I love it even more in the morning, waking up looking refreshed.
Next on my list is the Neutrogena Hydro Boost. I have like a love and hate relationship with it, it gives my skin that rejuvenation when I have dry skin but sometimes it does the opposite. It takes care of the problem but also causes it, of course I can only blame myself because just maybe I use the product little too much but other times I don’t, with that I guess I can say it’s the weather, mystery. I give it a 5 out of 10 but that’s just because of my experience with it.
Since I’m on Neutrogena products, I’ll head on over to the oil free moisturizer for combination skin. The times I usually apply it is when I’m out the shower or before doing my makeup. Hands down this is one of my favorites and I don’t think I have anything negative to say about it. It works wonders on my dry skin and I definitely see myself reaching for this one again.
Time for my little thoughts on the Maybelline Instant Age Rewind Concealer, which I have in light pale. It gives me a flawless bright pop under my eyes and I love it. The only thing I can say is when I don’t blend it in well, through out the time it creases but that’s more of me using the wrong technique to apply it. Besides that it holds up well and it lasted me a long time but I think that’s because I try to avoid wearing makeup as much as I used to.
Now onto the Maybelline Fit Me Foundation. My shade is in 220 Natural Beige, this is one of my all time favorites not that I’ve tried many foundations but this one for me is everything. I feel like for me it is mostly full coverage but in a way it gives off the impression of it being your natural skin once it starts to set in. It helps with the appearance of my pores and even though my skin does tend to get oily eventually, the foundation helps it to look like more of a glow even with a little touch up of powder when needed.
As for the powder, I know I could simply just use the one that’s for the fit me foundation and see how it goes but my sister handed me the Infallible Pro-Matte in nude beige. She told me she picked a shade that was too light for her and even though I’m a little more light skinned than she is, the powder was just a tad bit up for me. Don’t get me wrong I still use it, it might not be for my skin tone but I feel like it sets in well that eventually it blends with the foundation and if it helps to make me just a little more less shiny then why not.
Porefessional by Benefit, how I love this primer. My foundation in itself helps to minimize the appearance of my pores but this helps even more! I feel like it contributes as well to the reason why my skin doesn’t get too oily soon after I apply makeup. Sometimes I like to wear it alone with a little bit of concealer and some powder. I usually do that when I need to go to Ulta to buy more foundation or just to make a quick run to the store. I’ve lost count of how many of these I’ve bought, that’s how much I love it.
The last three I’m going to sum it up right here seeing as how two of them I apply on my eyebrows. My L’OREAL Brow Stylist Definer in dark brunette has been amazing to me! It is very thin that to me it helps so much with me keeping the product only where I want it to be, not all over the place. It has been the first pencil I’ve ever used that helps me to be done quicker with filling in my brows which as we all know can save us plenty of time when we need to get ready quickly for an event. Now for the powder I use on my brows mainly on the outer part, it says Cameo. I honestly can’t remember how I got my hands on it, I just know that I’ve had it for a long time and up to this day it helps with making my eyebrows look just a little bit more natural compared to when I only used pencil to draw and shade. That for me made a big difference and if I knew where they had them or if they still sell them I think I would reach for it again as well or just maybe give something new a try. Last but not least my eyeshadow palette by Morphe, bronzed mocha 25b. I love all the colors on here but to be honest I haven’t tried all of them so as of now, my thoughts are only positive. I think I’ll definitely try a new look soon, since I’m so used to certain colors. The only reason why I haven’t tried them all is for the fact that I’m new at using eyeshadow so I’m a little afraid of messing up when I’m about to go out, so maybe I need to a have a few hours free to practice, no worries.
I hope everyone enjoyed my review, I believe this is the very first one I’ve ever done and it was enjoyable, hoping it’s not my last. ❤