Finally! After about a week and a half or so I feel like myself again and I owe it all to God. On March 2nd I was at home babysitting while my mom and sister went to the store. I felt completely fine just taking care of my niece and nephew when suddenly this pain hard to describe just hit me on my upper back then it quickly traveled to my chest and the back of my head. At first I tried to brush it off but then I just felt as if I couldn’t breathe. I tried to catch my breath but I couldn’t, from there I just lost it my heart was racing fast and I just started to cry. I quickly called my sister to let her know, she was helping me to calm down but it just wouldn’t go away, I felt like I couldn’t walk and I just wanted to hit the ground, that’s when I decided to call for an ambulance. Thankfully my neighbor was home and she was kind enough to help me keep an eye on my niece and nephew while the paramedics checked me out. Soon after my mom and sister got home, they recommended me to go to the hospital just to be on the safe side, once they assured everything was fine they told me it was an anxiety attack. I’ve had one before but never like this and I pray for anyone who experiences them constantly is healed. The next day I had a concert to go to, I felt pretty good but through the night I had little triggers that made me think I wasn’t feeling good so I kept repeating to myself “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, lean not on your own understanding but in all ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight.” That bible verse helped me to get through the first two or three days after the anxiety.
The whole week and a half after that until today I just didn’t feel like myself. Usually I’ll be up making jokes, laughing, dancing around the house, playing with my niece and nephew but for some reason I just couldn’t do much, it was almost as if I was paranoid. I didn’t want to be left alone for long, I couldn’t be home comfortably even through the night. Every night I would wake up constantly struggling to go back to sleep, I kept having to reassure myself that I am fine and I prayed throughout each of those moments. I lost count as to how many times I’ve cried since then but I am truly thankful God brought me out. It’s hard to explain to others what it feels like and even when you are explaining it almost feels like you can’t even find the words. This whole week I’ve been cutting down on distractions doing my best to just stick to reading my bible, praying, eating healthy, watching the thoughts that come to mind even the words that I speak. Out of the mouth comes curses and blessings, speaking blessings is much better as words really do have an effect on ourselves and others. Before today I felt alive but not really living, yes I was pressing into the word of God but my mind wasn’t right, I felt like everything was blurred. Praise God! Last night I had a beautiful sweet sleep and I woke up with everything looking and feeling much clearer than before, almost as if I have a new sight, new perspective.
Spiritual warfare is something that we need to be ready for, I truly do believe having on the full armor of God helps along the way. I know some struggle to see how this could even help but sometimes we need to walk by faith no by sight to experience God’s blessing. My cousin was the first one that introduced me to God, I started going to her church but soon after I stopped going and went back to my old self destructive habits. The second time I experienced God was when I was completely alone and had no one, almost as if he personally came to me that day reached for my hand and helped me to get up. Now because I know in my heart he is real, I feel as if it’s up to me now to work on my relationship with God and I don’t want to know what will happen if I choose not to. I’ve lived life without him in it and it was the hardest years of my life, now that I am working on getting closer to him I truly do see his words are always true, his yoke is easy and his burden is light. To this day yes I still struggle, yes I have hard times but I know God will help me get through it regardless of what it looks like to me, all things are possible with him.
Learn the difference. Some people want to change you to their liking, for their benefit. Then there are those who see more in you than you see in yourself, knowing you are capable of so much more.
I’ve lost count how many times people have asked me if I’m okay, simply because I’m quietly sitting down enjoying the view. They say I look so serious, I tell them I’m fine but somehow I feel as if they don’t always believe me, not that I care. I wonder though, do I always have to be loud, smiling all the time just to prove I’m happy. Happiness shows through me in many ways, staring into the sky, drinking a cup of coffee, reading a book, cooking, etc. Happiness shows through all of us in different ways and I personally believe it to be beautiful.
Loving yourself should not be measured with the love and appreciation others may or may not have for you. You should love yourself because God loves you.
A while ago I mentioned that I would share some of the products that I use, not a big selection but they are some of my favorites. I’ll admit I’m very picky to what I put on my face, I have pores which means I have oily skin and some days, sometimes even for a few days straight I tend to have very dry skin.
Let me start off with the L’OREAL Toner, at first I wasn’t a big fan of it. It almost feels like my skin has to go through a few tries in order for it to respond well to the product I apply. At first it burned, a few seconds in it began to itch just a little bit and usually I would just tap those areas. It took me a while to want to try it again but when I did, it wasn’t as bad as the first time. I love the way it leaves my skin feeling and I love it even more in the morning, waking up looking refreshed.
Next on my list is the Neutrogena Hydro Boost. I have like a love and hate relationship with it, it gives my skin that rejuvenation when I have dry skin but sometimes it does the opposite. It takes care of the problem but also causes it, of course I can only blame myself because just maybe I use the product little too much but other times I don’t, with that I guess I can say it’s the weather, mystery. I give it a 5 out of 10 but that’s just because of my experience with it.
Since I’m on Neutrogena products, I’ll head on over to the oil free moisturizer for combination skin. The times I usually apply it is when I’m out the shower or before doing my makeup. Hands down this is one of my favorites and I don’t think I have anything negative to say about it. It works wonders on my dry skin and I definitely see myself reaching for this one again.
Time for my little thoughts on the Maybelline Instant Age Rewind Concealer, which I have in light pale. It gives me a flawless bright pop under my eyes and I love it. The only thing I can say is when I don’t blend it in well, through out the time it creases but that’s more of me using the wrong technique to apply it. Besides that it holds up well and it lasted me a long time but I think that’s because I try to avoid wearing makeup as much as I used to.
Now onto the Maybelline Fit Me Foundation. My shade is in 220 Natural Beige, this is one of my all time favorites not that I’ve tried many foundations but this one for me is everything. I feel like for me it is mostly full coverage but in a way it gives off the impression of it being your natural skin once it starts to set in. It helps with the appearance of my pores and even though my skin does tend to get oily eventually, the foundation helps it to look like more of a glow even with a little touch up of powder when needed.
As for the powder, I know I could simply just use the one that’s for the fit me foundation and see how it goes but my sister handed me the Infallible Pro-Matte in nude beige. She told me she picked a shade that was too light for her and even though I’m a little more light skinned than she is, the powder was just a tad bit up for me. Don’t get me wrong I still use it, it might not be for my skin tone but I feel like it sets in well that eventually it blends with the foundation and if it helps to make me just a little more less shiny then why not.
Porefessional by Benefit, how I love this primer. My foundation in itself helps to minimize the appearance of my pores but this helps even more! I feel like it contributes as well to the reason why my skin doesn’t get too oily soon after I apply makeup. Sometimes I like to wear it alone with a little bit of concealer and some powder. I usually do that when I need to go to Ulta to buy more foundation or just to make a quick run to the store. I’ve lost count of how many of these I’ve bought, that’s how much I love it.
The last three I’m going to sum it up right here seeing as how two of them I apply on my eyebrows. My L’OREAL Brow Stylist Definer in dark brunette has been amazing to me! It is very thin that to me it helps so much with me keeping the product only where I want it to be, not all over the place. It has been the first pencil I’ve ever used that helps me to be done quicker with filling in my brows which as we all know can save us plenty of time when we need to get ready quickly for an event. Now for the powder I use on my brows mainly on the outer part, it says Cameo. I honestly can’t remember how I got my hands on it, I just know that I’ve had it for a long time and up to this day it helps with making my eyebrows look just a little bit more natural compared to when I only used pencil to draw and shade. That for me made a big difference and if I knew where they had them or if they still sell them I think I would reach for it again as well or just maybe give something new a try. Last but not least my eyeshadow palette by Morphe, bronzed mocha 25b. I love all the colors on here but to be honest I haven’t tried all of them so as of now, my thoughts are only positive. I think I’ll definitely try a new look soon, since I’m so used to certain colors. The only reason why I haven’t tried them all is for the fact that I’m new at using eyeshadow so I’m a little afraid of messing up when I’m about to go out, so maybe I need to a have a few hours free to practice, no worries.
I hope everyone enjoyed my review, I believe this is the very first one I’ve ever done and it was enjoyable, hoping it’s not my last. ❤
How much longer will I fall into sin?
With each time I feel convicted and yet I ask myself how much longer will I continue to be like this. I know we are all not perfect in our own different ways and I don’t think we will ever reach perfection but I do believe we have the chance to grow each and everyday. We all know right from wrong, but some may not see anything wrong with certain things that fall under sin, no judgement after all we all have to answer to God some day but I do wonder how can it be so easy for others to sin without feeling any guilt. Slowly I found myself earlier thinking a little too much to the point of questioning God. I thought to myself I’m not a bad person, I feel personally that I have a pure heart, I love him but will I really end up in hell for the sins I’ve come to commit. I try as best as I can to hold back from anything considered unholy in God’s eyes but sooner or later I not only let him down but myself as well. A couple of years ago I ordered a book online titled “She” by Morgan Harper Nichols. It is a 365 day devotional with bible verses and experiences she’s been through and what we may possibly be dealing with too. I don’t find it to be a coincidence but I simply thought to myself, pick up the book and flip to the page that falls under this date February 2nd. There was something telling me, there you will find something that helps you with your question and it’ll help you put your mind at ease. Sure enough I get up, reach towards the nightstand I have next to my bed and I open the book, here’s the bible verse it read…
So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.