I used to believe that being transparent made you weak and I often cared of what others might think of me or say. Somewhere down the line all that has changed and I am thankful to God for helping me to come out of that. Everyday isn’t easy though because unfortunately when we show more of ourselves, people often take advantage of it to use it against you. They know certain details that they have no problem bringing up in order to get a reaction out of you. When you are trying not to be confrontational, many don’t know how to deal with it. They’ll nitpick until they get a reaction from you, only to make it seem as if you’re the one with the problem. What am I talking about?
The downs of the relationship my sister and I have. We’ve lived together practically our whole lives, we both have our own strong views on certain things in life and if we feel strongly about something we don’t come to an understanding, we simply agree to disagree. I never thought that me and her would be dealing with this even at this age, it’s one thing when we were kids but now it drains us. Unfortunately though we see many times that in other families many wouldn’t hesitate to cut off all communication when something goes wrong. Although my sister and I face difficulties I’m thankful that we are able to sit down and hear each other out. It may not always be right away, sometimes it takes a few days but I know that it’s not always the right move to make. A lot can happen in one day and I don’t see how any one can take the chance of leaving things on a wrong note, as well as letting things affect us to the point of not wanting to speak. Sooner or later what we get all worked up for most times won’t even matter and if you catch yourself before letting it get too far, you’ll be lucky to realize sooner. Life isn’t meant to spent being angry, though we do have the right to feel disappointment at times it’s not healthy to continuously hold on to it and sometimes it’s not even worth holding on to it just to prove a point. As of now I don’t think I’ll ever come to hate anyone, hate is too much to hold on to and it only has a hurtful impact on you. I believe pride is unfortunate, to my surprise my sister admitted to me not so long ago that if it wasn’t for me speaking to her first, we wouldn’t talk for a longer period of time. I didn’t mention it to her but hearing that hurt me because in many of the cases she still believes I’m in the wrong which is why I say pride is unfortunate, it can cause someone to look past what’s important and let disagreements go further. Truth be told if it wasn’t for God, I believe I would be bitter at this point in my life, I would have no consideration for anyone else, I would be even more prideful than my sister at this point because that’s how it was when we were younger. Only God knows what I’d be like this very moment had he not stepped in and saved me from myself, as a matter of fact it scares me to even think about it. I know the possibilities of people hurting us are many but through it all, look to God. There is no one else who can fully heal you like he does, who can lead you every step of the way even when things seem impossible to get through. He makes a way where there is no way and as he is leading you, remember to trust him and don’t lean on your own understanding.
It was about two years ago I believe that my sister decided to join the business of It Works. Everything seemed fine at first, I was excited to see what changes it would bring for her, financially and health wise but it turned out to be completely different to what I expected.
I was always skeptical of it and that’s one of the things they mention about those that are hesitant of joining but eventually I did because I wanted to help my sister. I’m not a fan of how the people in the company work, now I don’t have full knowledge of how each person handles their business but so far it has left a bad taste in my mouth. I’ll be completely honest though, the only products I’m fine with using would be the greens, wraps and defining gel. I’ve seen results on my sister but we both know that it takes more than just products to not only have results but to actually keep them. Many times when someone introduces me to anything new when it comes to taking for my health, I automatically say no, first explain to me what the ingredients are and even then I’ll most likely still decline because we can be getting told one thing when in reality it’s another. This is not only towards It Works but any other company that offers similar products to lose weight. I think promoting healthy eating, healthy habits and exercise would be the first way to go but taking pills to block calories is just not for me. I know it might seem as if I’m completely trying to make the business look bad, I know it has perks to it and it is definitely a huge help to have income coming in. I only hope that the people choosing to sell it are really doing their research as to what they are putting in their bodies and also trying to convince others that they need. I was easily influenced at first with it being labeled as natural but I don’t believe all the products are as natural as they state they are.
My next point is to how some of the people go about it when they want to post on social media why they chose to join. Don’t get me wrong I know it helps with those who have no choice at the time but to work from home. What I don’t agree with is how they can state that someone who works a 9 to 5 job is unhappy, I know it’s possible but it’s not the same for everyone. It’s not because they are afraid to join, afraid of changes or don’t want to work hard or whatever other reasons they may have. Everyone has a purpose, it’s simply something they don’t want to do and it can’t be forced upon them. Many people are happy where they are at and being able to stay at home making money isn’t the ultimate goal in life. They put their trust in God in leading them to where they need to be, where he wants them to be, not what someone else is saying is best for them. Now why would God be brought into this blog you might ask. A while ago the woman who signed my sister up is a very ambitious person and I know she wants to work hard to support her family, which is why often she would ask my sister how is her business going, seeing as how that benefits her as well. My sister Nancy, has different priorities at the time and unfortunately the other distributor was upset and rather than being understanding she kept stating excuses were being made when in reality it wasn’t the case, it just wasn’t for my sister. Now keep in mind I mentioned I don’t believe all the products are natural and my instinct was right. The other distributor and my sister were having a conversation when all of this went down. Completely out of the blue my sister was questioned on her beliefs and stated she was a Christian. I was in shock when the woman replied “Okay, never mind I see now why you don’t want to do it.” Of course my sister was curious as to why she would say that and it was because one of the products I believe or it could be more, can cause a serious illness and as soon as I find out which one, I will definitely post another blog about it or share it on the comments to this one. Christian or not, I don’t see why any company/human being would even want to sell something that can hurt someone. I know that there are many things going around in the world that can be just as dangerous which is very unfortunate. With many things going around, why add more to the mix? I never made one sell when I joined and I didn’t keep paying to have my account running. I don’t have a passion for it, I only joined to help my sister out which didn’t really make a difference seeing as how we both started putting our interest towards what we really love to do. I love blogging, even though I fall of the grid many times. I don’t know why but I always felt that when I blog it’s not just because I want to find something random to post about but because it holds meaning to me and I feel it’s something that needs to be made known.
Promise me that whatever struggle you are facing, you won’t give up!
How many unfortunately have? How many times were you close to it? How many times was I?
What the enemy means for harm, God turns it around for good. Can you imagine how much credit the devil gives himself when he sees us breaking, it’s difficult to even fathom. Many people think that’s it, finally I’m seeing what I want to see, they’re not as strong as they think are but little do they know you serve a big God. The creator of all things, nothing is too much for him. I believe God placed many of us here to show himself through yet life happens and unfortunately at times we stray away. Look to him when times get hard and believe me when I say you will get through it. Let him speak to you, silence your mind and be open to receiving the peace that surpasses all understanding and do not lean on your own.
My mind has been on overload to the point of being speechless. I don’t know where to begin when I am trying to express myself nor do I know what it is exactly that is bothering me. I’m trying to make sense of it all but it feels as if I keep hitting a brick wall. I’ve found myself getting close to God only to begin questioning when will certain things happen and in those moments, I begin to go about my own way which I know is never good to do.
Ever since I can remember I’ve struggled to find my purpose, I know I want to make a difference but it seems at times that when we try to do good we are fought by the enemy even more. The attacks can either be mentally, emotionally, physically and even spiritually, I’m sure there are many ways. As for me it’s usually all of those four and I am exhausted but I will not stop fighting back and I will not give up. When I was young I never really held a job for long and now that I am in a different state of mind I can’t seem to find one. I see myself working, I see myself writing a book but when it doesn’t happen I wonder what does God want me to do. I know for a fact that book has been in my heart since before I was even 15, I can’t seem to get away from the thought of it and I truly do believe I’m meant for it. The only thing is that I have things I need to take care of and I know in the bible God says he will care for us we simply need to trust him. When I was younger I had an easier time actually letting things be but now it feels as if there’s urgency behind it, like I need to get it done now and the fact that it’s not happening is a little discouraging but I know that is far from what God wants. His ways are not our ways and I need to stop trying to control things or even having expectations, then how will I leave room for him to work. I pray to God to give me a clean heart heart and renew a loyal spirit within me, that is where I stand right now in my life.
The love in the light brings peace over me that I never knew. All so very new to me, can’t compare to anything. God there is no one like you who sees right through me, even in the days that I was lost you took the time to reach out. How could I have wandered so far away from your truth. All through these years I was fighting to hold on to my faith, at times I was certain I took a loss but through your great given grace you turned it around for good.
In my younger years I held it close to my heart to never give myself before marriage but that went out the window when I was 17. It might seem odd to others that I’m here sharing this but I rather be open about the truth as a Christian and where I stand now in this walk, which is still somewhat new to me.
I’ve been on the receiving end of questionable looks when I mention that I am not comfortable dating around more than one person at the same time. Though I do not owe anyone any explanation I choose to share this in hopes that it might help someone else to know that they are not alone. I’ve lost count as to how many times people tell me that I should date around and as close as I’ve been to taking that poor advice I am thankful I did not. At 17 I remember my first so called boyfriend, he was older than I was and I was also old enough to know better but I still went along with it. After that happened, we probably kept seeing each other for a little more over a year but eventually we completely stopped talking to one another. I was clueless as to why but of course some time after that I found out that he was already in a serious relationship and he had a kid. I don’t really recall me being hurt when I found out, I was actually more disappointed as to why he couldn’t just be honest and why he would even take it as far as introducing me to some of his family when we were clearly not in a position to take such a step. As a youngster I was also confused because he considered himself to be a Christian, that is when I started to have preconceived notions about what they are truly like but I didn’t know any better. Now I understand that it’s one thing stating that you are and another to fully commit yourself to walking in obedience and I know because I am still learning. Whether we think we have knowledge or not, it means nothing when you make the wrong choices but thankfully no one is too far off to ask for forgiveness until it is time for the Lord’s return, why take the chance in putting off that choice longer?
I am 27 years old now and it was only about two years ago that I began to fully get a grasp of the reality that I gave myself before marriage. I’ll admit I broke down because it truly hit me not only for the fact that I let that promise to myself go but again I found myself dating someone and making the same mistake. Personally I’ll never say that he was a mistake but the decision I made was, I don’t believe in putting blame on anyone but yourself when you are not being held against your own will, I did it freely. In those moments I tried to justify each time I did it but eventually something did not sit well with me. Not only did I have to walk away for myself because of that very reason but knowing that we both faced temptation each time was tough. As I think about it I ask myself why would I want to be partly responsible of taking that away from him when God made someone specifically for them. I could’ve made a thousand excuses as to why I made the decision to let go but deep down I know this was the reason. As crazy as I may sound to others this is my belief, I believe in saving yourself for marriage. Think of how much more special and pure it will be. You can be told that those types of relationships aren’t possible anymore but have faith, they most certainly are.
Many people are carefree and I’m not saying I don’t know how to have fun or anything but when it comes to dating, I take it seriously and I know I’m not the only one. I’m no one to judge and I am not but I always wonder how is it that so many people can go through with it and feel like everything is fine. God made sex for marriage, defiling your bed is not worth it. Truth be told for me there was emptiness because I wanted more, God made us to love so it is only naturally to want to love and be loved but that is not possible when you are giving yourself to someone that God did not intend for to be your husband/wife. You can say we are human, it is natural for us to have needs but the real fact is that yes we do have them but they should only be fulfilled within marriage. I will add this as well, I believe that two people who end up getting married after sleeping together can still come to God and state their short comings because we all have them. I’ll leave it at this statement because I don’t fully know everything and never will I claim that I do, at the end only God can judge us and even if we think we have it all down right it is only him that truly knows the purity of our heart. My words are shared to let others know there is nothing wrong with waiting on God’s timing, when we rush we take the risk of running into something that may not be for us. Let God reveal to you what’s best rather than trying to make decisions based on what you’re feeling because truth be told, our feelings are not always on point.
Proverbs 23:9 – “Do not speak to fools, for they will scorn your prudent words.”
Hebrews 13:4 – “Marriage is to be honored by all, and husbands and wives must be faithful to each other. God will judge those who are immoral and those who commit adultery.”
Proverbs 3:5-6 – “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
In life it’s inevitable that something will come along to cause you to doubt, worry, stress and even be insecure about where you’re heading. You know what you want and need but believe me when I say trust in Matthew 6:33 “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you.” I’m not saying you still won’t face any type of opposition but throughout it, hold on to your faith and surely it will get stronger. I say that from experience, years ago I was losing it but God himself fought for me, how beautiful it is to know our Father doesn’t forget about us, it is us who wander off and wonder where he is but little do you know he’s been there all along waiting for you, you just simply need to knock and he’ll open that door. Now don’t just give up because you feel like he’s not dropping blessings for you here and there just like that, you can’t just take and not give. Ask him if there’s anything you can do for him, if there’s something you can do to bring him glory, to reveal your purpose, in due time he will answer, in his time not yours, patience is key. You need to seek him consistently, pray, pray for others and yourself and if you’re not sure how to pray just sit there in silence and he’ll read into you. Your struggles are no secret to him, he sees what you go through and deal with on a daily basis, he knows your path and not only that but he holds your future. Don’t let those struggles cause you to be stressed, angry or bitter, let them be the reason why you choose to look to God and your faith and the reason you persevere. You’d be surprised at what God has in store for us because it is so much more than what we imagined it to be especially when we lean on our own understanding. I can only hope for some of the desires of my heart to come to fruition but at the same time you have to be at peace if in the end you end up somewhere completely different, you’ll look back and wonder how you could have wanted anything else but what God had specifically for you with your name on it.
Clearly having a pen pal was not something I had in mind years ago. Especially because it’s someone I used to have a crush on in high school, funny thing though is now I can’t quite remember why I did. He’s not a bad person, just someone who makes mistakes as we all do. We learn as we go in life and unfortunately he’s in prison, trying to do his best so he can come out and be with his kids. I met him through my best friend, from then on we just said hi and bye, a smile here and there when we saw each other, that’s about it. Eventually I found out he was a very close friend of my brother in law and the first time I saw him come around the house, I was like here we go again with this crush.
There I was most of the time just waiting to see when he would show up to hang out with my sisters boyfriend, since he was already living here, I’d get all dressed up and find an excuse to go outside, I didn’t know any better back then. I don’t recall when I told my sister that I thought he was cute and of course she went on and told her man, let’s just call him Jr. Afterwards anytime he’d come around they’d always pick on me about it. I don’t know why but sooner or later I found myself falling for him even more which I didn’t even have a reason to, I just thought then whatever I felt at the time was legit. One morning we heard he ended up getting shot at and he was in the hospital fighting for his life, I cried for days and I kept on praying to God to bring him through this, sure enough he did. The day I saw him show up walking up our driveway with crutches I started to cry and I was so happy to see him, but I still couldn’t bring myself to tell him anything. Even now just looking back I feel so dumb over the whole situation because I mean it’s not like me and him were ever anything, we just happen to know the same people. He ended up staying with us for a while, in the back house we had rebuilt for my sister and brother in law. I was glad that I got to see him everyday, he’d always say what’s up just being kind. Sometimes he’d bring my sister and I some iced coffees seeing as how he knew we loved them so much.
There was this night that my cousins had invited me to a party and I remember I tried to get ready as fast as I could so I can step out before he left, but I didn’t make it. That night I had so much to drink, I cried over how messed up I felt that he wouldn’t look my way, I swear the fact that I’m even sharing this is a little cringing for me. My cousins were trying to calm me down, telling me that I can do better and these were the years that I had low self esteem. As weeks went by Jr. started telling me that he did like me and he did wanted to talk to me but he’s a player, I didn’t need for him to tell me that because in a way I already had a clue. It never got to us talking though, my brother in law and him ended up getting into trouble that had them both sent away. They were in the same place for a bit doing time, that’s when he wrote to me and professed his feelings for me, which I’m like now you want to say something, I wonder why but I never mentioned that to him or anything. The first letter he sent me he would draw roses on it, stars, the moon because he knew I was into all of that. He sent me a poem asking me to be his girl aside from regular letters, a bracelet with my name on it and drawings. Don’t get me wrong, I did love the drawings and the bracelet but that was a newsflash moment for me. My cousin even told me that the times they would all hangout he never heard him mention me or that he liked me, why now and that he didn’t like him for me as well. I thought to myself, he’s my cousin, he’s looking out for me but I can make decisions on my own. My answer to him asking me to be girlfriend was no, I couldn’t see myself with someone that I never had the chance to get to know on a personal level and I also don’t see myself waiting on someone when I don’t even know how he’ll treat me later on down the line. From then on we just kept writing to each other, he admitted to me that even his mom told him not to expect her to wait on you, when she didn’t even put you in this situation you’re in and he agreed. Throughout all of this though I can say that I’m glad we did end up writing to one another, it’s different from the usual at least for me. It’s nice knowing that you can show encouragement to someone when they need it and he’s been helpful himself. Completely different to everything I thought it was when I was in high school but I’m thankful that he’s alive and trying his best to do better now. Life really is unpredictable but we do have the choice to put our faith in God rather than leaning on our own understanding which is what I very often did in my younger years. One thing I have learned from all of this is to never let your feelings get in the way of doing something kind for someone else, you never know what difference you will make.
There is a lot that goes on in this world and I think some people have grown accustomed to it, that to them it’s just another day. I personally believe that there is a bigger picture to life and we are failing to see it. I’m barely being more open to receiving the facts that life is not just about getting by but there’s more, more than we can ever understand from the human perspective. God’s perspective on the other hand is beyond ours and I feel as if he’s trying to get our attention, he wants us to open our eyes at what’s going on. Many don’t respond to his call, some just choose to look the other way or pretend that there’s nothing wrong with the way things are going. I’m not saying that there is nothing good out there either, believe me God does not want us worrying over every thing but he does want us to find peace in him throughout the chaos. There will be rumors of war, we all know it is stated in the bible and some people unfortunately are scared for there lives in certain parts of the world while some are living comfortably. I am thankful at this moment for living here in the U.S but there will come a day when all this will change, some of us are leaving our eternal future thrown up in the air not realizing what it is that we are leaving to chance. There is warfare not just on earth but in the realm in which we cannot see. Pray to God for the strength and the discernment which is needed to make clear choices in this time, be mindful of what it is that you take in. God Bless ❤
She’s nothing like she was before, I wonder what happened to that rough exterior she once so proudly showed. It was rare when I saw her shed a tear, it was rare when she opened up. What can I tell her for her to see that it’s okay if she doesn’t have it all together, that she is more than enough just as she is. Can’t you see, I’ve known you for years I can tell what runs through your mind, all those late night thoughts causing unfounded fears. Who is this woman she’s becoming, evolving right in front of me. One day she stood up, looked at herself and said this is not who I am. Since when was she afraid to step out into the unknown since when did she rely so much on others for happiness after all these years she was strong enough to stand alone. God lifted her up as strange as it may sound to those that do not know, for those who have yet to experience the strength the almighty holds. She took it to prayer, everything that she could no longer bare, the painful memories of her past, the people who took advantage of her, the ones who left her in confusion she finally forgave. She no longer worried of what others might say, she’d rather show light to than to throw shade like them, she didn’t turn her back regardless of what they said or did, yes it hurt from time to time but she didn’t give the negativity power, she didn’t let them win. Her beauty and strength was found from within, she decided to let God work on her, help her change and help her grow. She realized this was much bigger than the problems she’d ever come face to face with, it was all for a purpose. Her spirit, her eyes, mind, heart and soul finally realized she wanted God’s will for her life not that of her own, she’s been there done that so much she has outgrown. Who is this woman she is becoming right in front of me? She is me.