I used to believe that being transparent made you weak and I often cared of what others might think of me or say. Somewhere down the line all that has changed and I am thankful to God for helping me to come out of that. Everyday isn’t easy though because unfortunately when we show more of ourselves, people often take advantage of it to use it against you. They know certain details that they have no problem bringing up in order to get a reaction out of you. When you are trying not to be confrontational, many don’t know how to deal with it. They’ll nitpick until they get a reaction from you, only to make it seem as if you’re the one with the problem. What am I talking about?

The downs of the relationship my sister and I have. We’ve lived together practically our whole lives, we both have our own strong views on certain things in life and if we feel strongly about something we don’t come to an understanding, we simply agree to disagree. I never thought that me and her would be dealing with this even at this age, it’s one thing when we were kids but now it drains us. Unfortunately though we see many times that in other families many wouldn’t hesitate to cut off all communication when something goes wrong. Although my sister and I face difficulties I’m thankful that we are able to sit down and hear each other out. It may not always be right away, sometimes it takes a few days but I know that it’s not always the right move to make. A lot can happen in one day and I don’t see how any one can take the chance of leaving things on a wrong note, as well as letting things affect us to the point of not wanting to speak. Sooner or later what we get all worked up for most times won’t even matter and if you catch yourself before letting it get too far, you’ll be lucky to realize sooner. Life isn’t meant to spent being angry, though we do have the right to feel disappointment at times it’s not healthy to continuously hold on to it and sometimes it’s not even worth holding on to it just to prove a point. As of now I don’t think I’ll ever come to hate anyone, hate is too much to hold on to and it only has a hurtful impact on you. I believe pride is unfortunate, to my surprise my sister admitted to me not so long ago that if it wasn’t for me speaking to her first, we wouldn’t talk for a longer period of time. I didn’t mention it to her but hearing that hurt me because in many of the cases she still believes I’m in the wrong which is why I say pride is unfortunate, it can cause someone to look past what’s important and let disagreements go further. Truth be told if it wasn’t for God, I believe I would be bitter at this point in my life, I would have no consideration for anyone else, I would be even more prideful than my sister at this point because that’s how it was when we were younger. Only God knows what I’d be like this very moment had he not stepped in and saved me from myself, as a matter of fact it scares me to even think about it. I know the possibilities of people hurting us are many but through it all, look to God. There is no one else who can fully heal you like he does, who can lead you every step of the way even when things seem impossible to get through. He makes a way where there is no way and as he is leading you, remember to trust him and don’t lean on your own understanding.


My Reason

I just finished a workout not so long ago and as I was on the elliptical, I thought to myself since when did I care so much about my health. Of course I don’t see anything wrong with that but when I was younger I remember I was mainly doing it to look a certain way to just maybe receive a little of attention, I admit I had low self esteem back then but I give God all the glory for bringing me out of that state of mind to where I’m at now. Now though I see the real reason behind me trying to get fit and it has nothing to do with society. My motivation now is to be fit before I come to meet the man God has ordained for me to be with so when the day comes for me to have children, I know I’ll be healthy. I’m no stranger to knowing that some things can go wrong though no matter what but my faith is in God and I believe in being healthy for your family, because more than anything I want to give them the best of me that they deserve. I don’t want to be low on energy as I am from time to time, I want to be as productive as I can be not only for them but for myself as well but only God knows how that will go. I’m also aware that there are many women who are at a different stage in their health, to each their own I’m sure many of them have given birth to a healthy baby and if for whatever reason I don’t meet my goal before I have children I pray to God I’m blessed with healthy babies with great fulfilling lives dedicated to him.